Dear Friend.................

Dear Ms Janie,

I am Mr. Stephen Tan, Investment Director on foreign investments department of Agricultural Bank Of China.

I am writing following an opportunity in my office that will be of immense benefit to both of us.

On January 11th 2000, a German estate tycoon... Late Mr. Andreas Scanner deposited $100,000,000 (One-hundred Million United States Dollars) under our portfolio management department for a period of Two (2)Years, and the deposit matured on the 18th of February 2002 with about 35% growth which amounted to a total of $15,520,000 (Fifteen hundred Million, Five Hundred and Twenty Thousand United States Dollars).


Upon maturity, a routine notification was sent to his forwarding address all to no avail. Several attempts were made to contact him but without responses.

After a month, another reminder was sent to him from my desk and evidently I discovered from his contract employers that Mr. Andreas Scanner died in the plane crash of Air France Concorde flight 4590 which crashed on July 25th 2000.

On further in debt investigation, I discovered that he died with his wife and entire family, as all efforts to trace members of his neither family nor relatives proved futile.

You shall read more about the crash on visiting this site. www.mentalsilliness.org Mr. Andreas Scanner, has long bought the farm and since his death none of his next-of-kin or relations has come forward to lay claims for this money as the heir.

He died without identifying with anybody about these funds, which has since matured and the roll-over on the funds also expired. This sum of $150,520,000 (One-hundred and fifty Million, Five Hundred and Twenty Thousand United States Dollars ) is still in my possession in my Bank lifeless and unnoticed because there will never be a claim on the funds.

All material, immaterial documents and certificates relating to the funds is also in my possession. Against this backdrop, I am proposing to you to stand in as the next of kin to Late Mr. Andreas Scanner. The Chinese Government banking law and guidelines here stipulates that at the expiration of eight (8) years such funds will be transferred into banking treasury as unclaimed funds.

The money will be approved into your account and subsequently, we shall share in the ratio: 1% for us and 99% for you as gratification for assistance rendered. I will visit your country for the Disbursement, according to the percentages indicated above once this money gets into your account. I humbly crave your indulgence in portraying sincerity towards this matter, as trust stands to be our watchword in this transaction.

Our assurance is that your role is risk free to accord this transaction the legality it deserves as with all modalities put in place we are certain in actualizing a hitch free transfer of the funds without any impediments. My position with my bank already guarantees the swift execution of this project.

We will discuss much in details when I do receive your response. Kindly signify your willingness to assist by sending me an email for further Procedures relating to this transaction.
Email me IMMEDIATELY!

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....Shall I indulge?

Wondering in Kansas...

Dear Wondering in Kansas,

Yawn...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......snore....

Shall I Be Trustee?

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....Please advise me about this email I received just last night.
I confess I could use the money, but I'm a little hesitant so my newest love Ricardo advised me to ask you since I won't listen to his refusal to be a part of this...as he calls is a.."scam".


I told him that I would leave the decision up to you since you have always given such great advice, such as when you advised that young couple from Brooklyn not to open a generic coffee shop next door to Starbucks.
Here is what the letter said.


Dear Trustworthy Friend,

I know this email will come to you as a surprise,
because you don’t know me and I don’t know you.

Let me introduce myself to you.
First my name is Justine Wackjob.
I am an unattractive desperate, yet caring and loving angel of mercy sent to you to make you rich.

I need to tell you more things, but first I need your help to Stand for me as a trustee. I beg you to listen to me! I am beside myself with worry.
My father Dr. Crook Wackjob was the former Minister for Affairs and Special Adviser to President Nutcase Kiri of South Sudan for Decentralization.

My father Dr. Crook Wackjob and my dear mother Rosebanee including other top Military officers and top government officials where on board when their plane crashed on Friday May 02,2008.

You can read more about the crash through the below listed site www.site.govern.org.
Moving right along... months after the burial of my father,
my uncle Zongo conspired with my step mother Patti and sold my father's properties to a Chinese Expatriate.
His name is Chang Yang Sun.
In a fateful moment on a bright October morn, I opened my father's briefcase and found documents which my beloved late father used to deposit money in Burkino Faso , not far from KFC with my name as the next of kin.
I was devastated beyond description and had to be hospitalized for a week.

When I recovered somewhat from this shocking betrayal,
I traveled to Burkina Faso by donkey to withdraw the money so that I can start a better life and take care of myself.

The Branch manager of the Bank whom I met in person told me that my present status, does not permit me by the local law to clear money or make a transfer of money into an account,

He subsequently advised me to provide a trustee who will help me to invest the money or I should wait till I will get married, which will probably be never the way my love life has been going, but with a trustee I can demand by their Authority.

I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust. But rather take me as your own blood sister.

Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well, I will say that my drug induced mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me.

More so, I will like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate to your country because my uncle has threatened to assassinate me.

The amount is $985.8 Million smackeroos and I have confirmed from the bank in Burkina Faso.
You will also help me to place the money in a more profitable business venture in your Country.

However, I trust you will help by recommending a reputable University in your country so that I can complete my studies. I plan on being a plastic surgeon specializing in cosmetic surgery on Doberman Pinschers. The ones with the red eyes. And razor sharp teeth.

And since I love animals so much I will not give them anesthesia when I do the surgery for fear of them dying. I have given many dogs mouth to mouth resuscitation and have saved many canine lives, especially those of the little Mexican chihuahuas.
Dogs naturally take to me....they just trust me, so I tell you this so that you may trust me also....no offense intended.

It is my intention to compensate you with 10% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your interest in helping me,

I will put things into action immediately.

In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely.
Please do keep this only to your self. I beg you not to disclose it till I come over because I am afraid of my wicked uncle who has threatened to kill me.

Sincerely yours Justine Extreme Wackjob.
My cell phone is 000-0-0348-888-123 EX 365089000


Undecided in Marys ville, Washington

Dear Undecided in Washington,

Puh...leeeeze!!

I AM RICH!!!

Dear Dr Heartache...my ship came in! I just received this good news in my inbox..so what do you think??

"My Hopefully Trusted Confidante and Dear Friend,

I know this may come as surprise and shock to you.

My Name is.....

Mr Mohamed Abdul Mosakka Kevin Issaka,I am one of the officials in the Energy management board in Burkina Faso,West Africa.
We had a contract with Denmark through the Burkina Faso Danish Cooperation which was signed on the 4th of march,2008 on the Electrification of the Urban centers, offices and rural dwellers.

The project has been executed,you can check on me by calling the FBI in Africa.
Ask for Sneaky Pete.
But the main issue of contacting you is to intimate you that during the award of this contract, a few of my colleagues and l had inflated the amount of this contract and the OVER-INVOICED is being safeguarded under our custody.

However, we have decided to transfer this sum of money;
are you ready for this???

Yes...! Thirty million, billion, trillion US dollars ($30, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, anyway you get the picture...

absolute trillions of US Dollars) out of this Country for disbursement.

This is where YOU come in...hopefully....

Hence, therefore and hereafter and forever more after,we seek for a reliable ,honest and not greedy foreign partner whom we shall use his or her account for transferring the fund.

Of course that would be YOU!

And we agreed that the account owner shall benefit 94% of the total amount of money, 1% is for us here,and 5% will be used for miscellaneous expenses during the transfer.

If you are capable to handle the transaction without hitches and flaws,
then we have confidence in the business and a risk free transfer from our side.

Please please please hear this you absolutely make it TOP SECRET and avoid every channel of implicating us here thereby, hereby and forever after endangering our illustrious crime career.

Therefore, heretofore, now if you will not be able to handle it, please hold on your peace for our sake we are public servants.

I pray to God for his providence for a smooth transfer, so that our retiring soon or later will be a better and blissful retirement life, as such we are very cautious towards actualizing this noble venture.

It can also be a once in life opportunity for you, my trusted confidante and friend because l know that we are going to see face-face,preferably come down here and verify on the claim on the said amount of money in the bank.

Besides, to discuss business and investment in your country at large,
and thereafter sit together to decide on the means of transferring.Waiting for your urgent respond.
Please,time is no longer on our side.
Please send me immediately these things;

1.Your full name given at birth and any other names used after such as married names, or aliases acquired for any reason.(attending physician at your birth)
2. Your age at birth
3. What you tell people your age is
4. Your real age & accompanying original birth certificate, the one with the state seal which cannot be duplicated. )Please do not send copy)
5. Your social security number
6. Your checking account number & savings account number is applicable
7. Name of Bank
8. Address of bank
9.Your home address
10. Your passport
11.Your spouses name if applicable
12.Your phone number (cell, car, and landline)
I eagerly await your response.
Best regards,
Mr Mohammad Abdul Kevin Iopopou.
PS...My yahoo email is the same as yours except for
the last letter in my name is x instead of what yours is.
Shall I go for it Dr Heartache???? I could use the trillions of dollars.

Excited yet hesitant in Miami

Dear Excited yet Hesitant in Miami,

HO HUM...yawn....yes go for it and try not to spend your trillions in one place.

Love and Loss

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help.... Never mind my smile in this pic...it was taken long before I met this man who has utterly crushed and broken in billions of tearful pieces my heart.
My life is destroyed!
My tears won't stop squirting from my eyes..
Dr Heartache, have you ever heard of tears not falling from the eyes down the cheeks?
When Miguel told me that he was not in love with me anymore, I fainted.
When I woke two hours later (I checked the clock) he was gone.
His car which had been parked in my driveway was gone. I stood by the door looking out still seeing his handsome face,
and the strangest thing happened to me.
It was something I had never experienced. My tears didn't flow, they were literally squirting from my eyes. I was blinded with pain.
I crumpled to the floor again...a broken heap.
I cried for days on end for Miguel. I couldn't eat.
I was beyond comfort. I couldn't sleep.
I could not do anything but cry. It doesn't make sense to me.
How.. how... how... could one love so deeply as Miguel said he loved me and walk away?
We dated for two years. We were so matched it seemed. If there is another woman, he didn't say. Why why why did this happen to me?
I feel as if I can never love again. This is how much damage this man has done to my loving faithful heart.
If only I could know why.... Please help me!

Forever broken in Denver..

Dear Forever Broken in Denver,

First thank God Almighty for relieving you of this loser.
Second thank God he is gone for good.
Yes for good!
If he loved you would he have left?
Would he have walked away knowing he
would wound your tender loving faithful heart?
Learn to recognize God's favors.
Be sensible. Be logical. Be honest.
Would he have left you if he loved you?
Of course not!
If a man loves a woman, he will lay down his life for her if necessary.
So go your way knowing that you have
been rescued from a burning house.
Remember Miguel is a loser.
L-O-S-E-R...... LOSER!
Miguel is a loser!
Say that fact ten times a day until it sinks in.
Lastly please seek some type of therapy to find out how you could have wasted two years of your life on a man who would such a thing as he did to you.
Your problem seems to be more serious than his.
Hope this helps....

SCAM EMAIL

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....obviously

Dear Dr Heartache...what shall I do with this email I received from this person?

FROM MADAM STELLA DOKA BULLO LOBUN,

GOOD DAY,

I MADAM STELLA DOKA BULLO LOBUN, 65 YEARS OLD FROM UNITED ARAB EMIRATE (UAE).

I BECAME A CITIZEN OF COTE D'IVOIRE (WEST AFRICA) DUE TO MARRIAGE WITH LOVERLIPS ROMEO DE LA FRANSUA FROM COTE D'IVOIRE WHICH WILL PROBABLY BE MY FINAL RESTING PLACE.

I WAS BORN A SAD LITTLE ORPHAN IN 1942 IN MY HOME TOWN IN UAE.
THEREAFTER WAS BLESSED TO HAVE MARRIED A HUMBLE AND KIND MAN DR.LOVERLIPS ROMEO DE LA FRANSUA AKA RICHARD.

WE BOTH STRUGGLED AND WORKED HARD AND THE ALMIGHTY GOD BLESSED US ABUNDANTLY WITH RICHES BEYOND OUR WILDEST DREAMS.


HE WAS A DEALER IN GOLD, SILVER, ORE, LEAD, NICKLE, IRON, WOOL, SILK, EMERALDS, PEARLS, DIAMONDS AND TANTALITE.

I AM NOW OLD AND SICK WITHOUT A HUSBAND AND CHILDREN.
THIS HAS MADE ME UNHAPPY. I HAVE NOT RE-MARRIED DUE TO THE FACT THAT I WANT TO CHERISH MY HUSBAND'S MEMORIES PLUS NO ONE HAS ASKED ME.

FOR 2
MONTHS NOW I HAVE BEEN SERIOUSLY SICK.

I AM PRESENTLY IN HOSPITAL SUFFERING FROM CANCER, DIABETES, LUPUS, BLINDNESS, DEAFNESS, SHINGLES, HEART ATTACK, LEUKEMIA, HIVES, SCURVY, RICKETS AND RINGWORM.

AND I HAD A MASSIVE STROKE WHICH HAS AFFECTED MY SPEECH.
MY TONGUE ALSO IS SWOLLEN AND PURPLE. AND I HAVE WHITE SPOTS ON MY EYELIDS WITH RED SPLOTCHES ON MY CHIN.

THE LEFT SIDE OF MY BODY IS PARALYZED. AND I CANNOT MOVE MY RIGHT ARM OR ANY OF MY FINGERS.
[I REFUSE TO BELIEVE GOD IS PUNISHING ME FOR SENDING OUT SCAM EMAILS.]

THE DOCTORS SAY I HAVE A FEW HOURS LEFT TO LIVE. I WANTED TO WATCH 60 MINUTES THIS WEEK BUT IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE I WILL.

I COULD BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE YOU WITH A HELP OF SISTER NURSE DUE TO URGENCY SO THAT
I WILL HAND OVER THE INFORMATIONS OF THIS FUNDS TO YOU NOW THAT I AM STILL A LIFE.
I DON'T KNOW YOU,

I WAS ABLE TO GET YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS THROUGH A SPECIALIZED SOURCE AND BY THE LEADING OF OUR GREAT GOD.

BEFORE THE DEATH OF MY HUSBAND HE DEPOSITED US $900.5 MILLION IN A BANK IN ABIDJAN, COTED'IVOIRE.

THE DOCUMENTS AND PAPERWORK ARE WITH MY ATTORNEY WHOSE NAME IS LORENZO ESQUIRE.

I WANT YOU TO BENEFIT THIS FUNDS FOR ORPHANAGE WORK IN YOUR COUNTRY IN REMEMBERING OF MY LATE HUSBAND"S NAME IN YOUR COUNTRY AND OTHER FOR THE NEEDS COUNTRIES AS WELL.

GIVING TO THE POOR AND LESS PRIVILEGED ONCE IS WHAT BEING A FAVOR,THANKS BE TO ALMIGHTY GOD THAT I AM BURN AS A GIVER.

ALL I NEED FROM YOU IS YOUR ASSURANCE THAT YOU WILL USE THIS FUNDS JUDICIOUSLY AS STATED IN THIS MESSAGE BY SENDING ME YOUR DETAIL

CONTACTS SUCH AS YOUR NAME AND YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER ALONG WITH YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER AND DRIVERS LICENCE NUMBER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE FOR I MAY DIE ANY MINUTE NOW.

AND RECENT COLOR PHOTOS WITH GOOD SUGGESTION TOWARDS THE SAFE TRANSFER OF THE MONEY TO YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY.

I HOPE IN YOU AS DIRECTED BY OUR ALMIGHTY GOD BLESSED YOU .

REGARDS,

WACKO MADAM STELLA DOKA BULLO ILLREPUTE,


Wondering in Trinidad, Colorado...

Dear Wondering in Trinidad, Colorado...

Ho hum...if you don't know what to do with this email... what can I say?