I'm Completely Decimated...

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....

It is 2 Am and my eyes are swollen from crying. I started crying at 9PM last night.

My story is incredibly sad and blue.

My eyes are swollen and almost shut.

I'm trying hard to see the keys so I can type to you dear Dr Heartache.

Dr Heartache, I just learned last night at 8:58 PM that my husband Max whom I love more than life itself is madly in love with the neighbor down the street. Her name is Lily. I heard it through the neighborhood grapevine. Max told me this at 8:55 Pm then left to meet his lover.

Where did I go wrong? It seems Lily's husband Sean left her for the neighbor Pam across the street from them. And the shameless Pam he left with is also involved with the real estate agent Sam who sold them the house. Of course Sam is unaware of Pam's other activities.

I called Sam and he said that it was none of my business what he does in his spare time.

Dr Heartache, what kind of a man destroys lives in his spare time? What must he do with his real time?

I'm confused who is who in this insane love fiasco.

Pam and Sean plan on getting married after they both divorce,or would that be Pam and Sam? Or is that my used to be Max? Anyway Lily wants to marry my husband Max when she divorces her husband Sean, or is it ....Sam...

oh Dr Heartache, all this adultery lust is confusing me.

What shall I do?

Confused, angry and about

to collapse in South Dakota

Dear Confused, angry and about to collapse in South Dakota,

First off, you say that Lily is the one who is "in love"

with your low down husband Max?

And you say that Lily's husband Sean left her

for Pam?

And Pam is also involved with the real estate guy Sam? Sean? Or is is Max?

Oh! Max is your husband...anyway.....

They all want to get divorces so they can marry their shameless lovers?

Well, with what I can gather it looks like if this confusion continues

Max will end up marrying you after he divorces you...

to marry Lily and Lily realizes that Sean, or is it Sam?

Dear cheated on....the best thing for you to do is wait

and when this confusing fiasco or lust and loss is over

you and Sean will still be married.

Or was that Sam? Max?

Goes to show you what adultery causes...shame, confusion and

unbridled lust.

Have a great day!!!!

Hope this helped......

Dr Heartache....my life is over.....

Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....

Dear Dr Heartache,

Here is my sad heartbreaking story that needs your attention fast!

I answered an ad for a modeling job. I went to the place I was told to go to after I called the number in the ad. I dressed up with this really cute little top I bought online at a really exclusive online shop. It is deep dark green with a thin deep dark blue lacy collar that sets off the five dark green buttons. I chose a burgundy skirt to go with it and......oh excuse me I was going off about my clothes.............so anyway I was interviewed and was hired on the spot. You should see the high heel shoes I wore that day....so cute......anyway....

Here is the problem.

The interviewer and I fell madly, deeply, passionately and phenomenally in love. On the spot. As soon as I walked into the room and we saw each other, our lonely days were over. It was like a miracle!

It shattered us to our very cores, Dr Heartache..... it was so emotionally intoxicating. Our eyes locked. He gasped and said that my beauty should be against the law. I swooned until I fell on the floor when I was totally overcome by his incredible dashing good looks.

He looks like a cross between Nicholas Cage and Matthew Broderick...if you can imagine any man looking that good. I am still in shock that any man could be that handsome.

Anyway.......after I came to....

he was looking deep into my eyes. The love was overwhelming.

We knew it was something we could never deny. It was greater than both of us.

It was our destiny, meant to be, written in our book of life...forever joined by love's strong cords. Sigh.....he is sooooooooo.....handsome....

Here is the problem.

He said he is going to vote for Barack Obama in the November election.

I went into shock that he could do such a thing especially since he said he would die for me. I hate Obama and pray each day to God that he loses.

I'm voting for McCain and cannot stand Obama.

Now that I know his party affiliation, I see him as a traitor.

Is there any hope for me and him?

Am I a McCain supporter first or shall I compromise my political virtues and marry a (gasp) Obama supporter?

Completely shattered and bewildered in Chicago, Illinois

Dear Completely shattered and bewildered in Chicago, Illinois,

You have only one choice in this matter of intense political debate

where unfortunately romance has somehow took a hold.

You must leave him immediately!!!

NOW!!! Today!

Do not look back!

Do not pass go!

Do not collect $200.

Do not go to jail!

Don't even tell this traitor goodbye, simply...

run for your life

to the nearest city clerk and make sure your name is registered to

vote in November for McCain

Even though you were wearing really cute clothes the day you

met this Benedict Arnold doesn't diminish the fact that

he is a traitor to you, his country and to his God.

Hope this helped....

Vote McCain 2008!

Dear Dr Heartache I'm so desperate......

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....

My friend I'll call her Maria is totally addicted to cola.

She drinks cola morning noon and night.

She drinks cola with breakfast, lunch and at supper.

She even drinks a cola before she going to bed.

Her husband left her because of this....and...

Her teeth are beginning to show signs of cola wear and tear. She also smokes like a train and drinks four cups of coffee every morning before she starts the cola routine.

She hasn't been to a dentist in at least three years.

Her boss is thinking of firing her unless she gives up cola. Her nerves are shot, her creditors are after her and her house has termites.

What can I do to help my friend Maria?

Shaking my head in Nebraska...

Dear Shaking your head in Nebraska,

Call Cola Addicts Anonymous immediately..

and tell them to go get her quick!

They have butterfly nets if she resists going along quietly....

for treatment.

Tell Maria you did it for her own good.

If she hates you for it, so be it, she will thank you when she is finally free from cola.

Oh and by the way, try to get her to switch to 7UP.

Her husband sounds like a real klutz schmuck jerk.

And you can tell him I said so!

She will find another job after she is clean from caffeine.

Hope this helps......