I Hate Him!

Dear Dr Heartache...

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....

Where shall I begin? My life is shattered. My dreams are destroyed. My heart is broken in millions of weeping pieces. My emotions are in excruciating pain.

My mind is reeling in confusion. My mind is torn with pain, despair and hopelessness.

I am so angry I could chew nails!

My life is over.

I was shopping at the mall last Saturday.

I ran into an old friend. ......I'll call her Tina.

It so happened that Tina saw my husband with his secretary walking out of a motel together a few months earlier.

He had his arm around her. And she was smiling at him. I'll try to continue with his problem.......

I think you get the picture!

Suddenly my heart is filled with murder! I would like to kill him! As in murder.

I would like to smash his head with a big rock!

I would like to lynch him! I would like to pull out his toenails one by one with a pair of rusty needle nose pliers while he screams in pain begging me to stop!!

I would like to lock him in a room and force him to listen to rap music at full blast.

I would like to torture him until he dies a slow agonizing death.

Of course, I won't do it!

God won't let me! I didn't even ask God, I know him, he won't let me kill Howard.

He absolutely will not let me do these things I so much want to do to Howard!

As for that little whore of a secretary..her name is Tammy, I won't even tell you what I think about her.

I am so so so mad, I am beside myself with rage, thoughts of torturing him and revenge.

How is this possible to feel such pain and anger?

Just tell me Dr Heartache, what can I do to overcome such pain?

So, since I can't kill him for fear that God will severely punish me,

what can I possibly do?

I know God won't change his mind, so please help me

find another way to get rid of this anger! I'm desperate!

Even though I would like to get rid of that lying low down cheat.

Deranged with grief and anger in Kansas

Dear Deranged.....in Kansas,

Hmmm.....you poor thing....you are in deep trouble, but the good news is that

you refuse to kill him for God's own sake.

End of that story.

I take it he has been acting faithful since? He sounds like a real two-faced hypocrite. The nerve of some men!
What a weasel!!

I hate him too after reading your letter which was soaked with your tears.

I wish I could help you do all those things you thought of doing, but since God absolutely forbids vengeance, you (we) must forgive.

Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.

Forgiveness is not feelings, it is a decision you must make before God.

Remember that you can't depend on your feelings, even though feelings are real.

We serve God with our minds, so in order to control your feelings which that monster of a husband caused along with his miserable shameless girlfriend, you simply must decide to do what God requires of you and not what you would like to do.

Forgive him and follow what comes with the forgiveness.

Hope this helped you...

ONlLINE DATING?

Dear Dr Heartache...............

Dear Dr Heartache.....

I Need Help....

I surfed to a online dating service called

Torrid Midnight Passion Online Dating

to meet someone.............

I filled out all the necessary forms, paid the outrageous fee and waited.

A week later, I received a message from a man calling himself Teddy Bear.

He said he is divorced. His profile says he is a pilot for Transworld airlines,

that he is unbelievably handsome. He said he has a PHd in physics, a PHd in art, and a Masters in Music. He said he gets mistaken for Nicholas Cage. He even said he sings like Barry Manilow.

We decided to meet in person. He looks nothing as he said he looks!

To say he lied on the forms is putting it mildly.

Dr Heartache, I don't want to hurt his feelings but he simply

isn't my type.

My type is more the David Caruso look.

This guy looks like Michael Moore.

Of course, I like Michael Moore,but not to date!!

In my dating book, I have men's names under

1. Divine date

2. Debating with myself to date

3. Desperate for a date

4. Dying for a date

................and Dr Heartache.......

I can't even file him under "dying for a date"

My friend (I'll call him Earl) is a dear sweet guy,

but what can I do to let him down gently?

I like him, but he lied about his appearance and about his job,

he lives and works in Compton, California.

Wondering what to do in Los Angeles, California.

After all Dr Heartache, I am unbelievably gorgeous beyond belief!!

Dear Wondering what to do,

Tell him that you cannot appreciate his

lying on a form which explicitly asked for the truth.

Tell him you will not tolerate drunkards in your life.

Tell him that he needs to call Jenny Craig today!

(Can men call Jenny Craig?)

Tell him that he needs to tell

Torrid Midnight Passion Online Dating

services that he lied.

If he refuses to do these things, you have no choice but to

spray him with your pepper spray.

That will make him leave you alone.

But, remember he might make a really nice companion...

but if the chemistry isn't there, it is over........

Hope this helped....

Dr Heartache!

Dear Dr Heartache....the greatest adviser on planet earth. Okay.

Tell me what do you think about this? This is a true story!

I had a friend in Colorado who had a friend there who was married to a man much older than she was. Probably a good twenty-five years older.

Now when she was ten he was thirty-five so there you have the age difference! She depended on him for everything; almost a father daughter thing. She could not write a check on her own.

He took care of the bank account. He drove the car.
She basically kept house (nothing wrong with that) and cooked his favorite meals.


I find much wrong with that. Why did she not cook him her favorite meals?

Anyway it so happened that he got cancer. She watched as he slowly died before her eyes. She could do nothing about it. Of course the best was done for him. But as time passed he got no better and finally succumbed to the disease.

She did what she had to do and buried his body in the cold ground. With bitter tears she walked away from the grave of the only man who ever loved her. She was inconsolable! Really he was her caregiver since she was incapable of thinking for herself. With him gone her life was gone! Who would she lean on now?

Or was her thinking so limited that she only thought of what she could do for him? Immediately after his death she sank into a deep dark depression. She became immobilized. She could do nothing without he directing her.

With him gone she was virtually a tormented prisoner in a cell without a warden to unlock the door it seems.

She was a lost sad lonely soul drifting on the sea of life without her captain at the helm of the ship she had been sailing on for so long. I could describe her in one word: helpless! In truth he was her captain; the captain of her life.

Finally a few years later she died also. The years she spent alone were spent in depression and lethargy. She wore dark depressing clothing with absolutely no accessories. (How any woman can go without accessories is beyond my understanding) and never ventured farther than the market to buy food.

In other words her entire world was this man! What happened that this woman thought there was no life for her beyond this man who married her and took over her life? Why did she allow it? Could she not think for herself?

Bewildered in Grand Junction, Colorado

Dear Bewildered in Grand Junction, Colorado,

Hmmm....it sounds like your friend's friend was afraid to live. It appears that she was bound to this man out of ignorance and fear.

You almost described the relationship between president Obama and the kool-aid drinking people who voted for him.

It reminds me of the ridiculous statement Juliet made to Romeo.."Thy gracious self; god of my idolatry!"

I do see Romeo and Juliet as two nutcases!

Back to the issue here...

Listen! Love never does the things you said happened to her. Love heals and makes one grow whether in sunshine or shadow, love will make one grow and blossom bearing much fruit.
Love never makes prisoners of its objects. Love makes one free! Love makes one happy!
This woman was dependent on another to do everything for her. Even her thinking!

And when the bough broke she broke also.
It is important to have your own life. It is imperative to seek for yourself what life is about and not depend on someone else to do it for you.
It is too late for this woman who made a mortal man the captain of her life.
Only God can direct our lives since he is the one who knows all things. Can do all things!

There is much to learn from this. Broaden your horizons! Launch out into the deep!
Go where the fish are biting!
Find out who you are alone and not with others dictating to you!
If a loving companion does come you can complement each other instead of being crutches for each other.

Life is more than what is in your kitchen! More than the photos on the wall.
More than the memories of days forever gone!
More than your image in the mirror!
More than the long proved to be meaningless words that have dried on a legal document!

Live life to the fullest and don't look back!
Love yourself!!!

Hope this helped...!

Love and Loss

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....

I am certain you've never heard this problem before!

Firstly he, my exciting new significant other has been married eleven times. He said he falls in love easily.

Hmmm...and also gets married easily I might add.

But anyway we dated after meeting at the fast food restaurant where I work. He came in and ordered a double cheeseburger with extra cheese and ketchup.

When I saw him eating his french fries is when I fell hard and fast in love. There was something cute in the way he eyed the fry before he plunged it into his mouth and swallowed it.

He smiles while he eats! He is so romantic!

This was the total extent of his courtship! The fries and his eyes!

We dated for three glorious weeks before he popped the question! I said yes a million times. He then said he hoped I didn't mind that he had been married almost a dozen times.

I said I didn't mind as long as I was his only love now and forever. He answered that I am the one he has been searching for all his adult life. I could easily understand so many women finding him attractive.

We bought a cute little bungalow and settled in. We were blissfully happy until.......


Boo Hoo! Boo Hoo Hoo! Boo Hoo Hoo Hoo!!!

He is a peeping tom! I caught him looking in the neighbors windows when he thought I was asleep! He sneaks out around midnight and prowls around the area then peeks in windows.

I saw him with my own eyes! I am shocked! I am horrified! I am devastated! I am also angry!

What shall I do?

Deeply Disappointed In love in Reno, Nevada

Dear Deeply Disappointed In Love in Reno,

Firstly be advised that that you are married to a wacko! A nutcase!
A Crackpot! Poor poor creature of woe and mental illness.
This is exactly what you get for not knowing this person!

However here is what you must do immediately!

1. File for divorce!
2.Move out!
3.Tell the police what you told me.
4. Since he might deny it you must find a way to prove it.
5.Follow him on his peeping excursions and take a pic with your cell phone. (and your pepper spray)
6.Or purchase an expensive camera and use it to take distant photos.
7. Or simply turn him in knowing he will deny it.
Hope this helped.....
How you could not figure this one out on your own is beyond me....sigh...

I Need Help NOW!

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....

I met Romeo at a local dance party. He was attractive and attracted to my attractiveness. I was standing there when he walked over and said.."Hello, I love you, let's get married!"
I immediately slapped him so hard across his fresh face, he fell over backward and went unconscious.
Dr Heartache, I didn't mean to hurt poor Romeo. I had no way of knowing he was so drunk he could hardly walk. I was facing the other way when he approached me. But I had just come out of my 24th relationship in five years and was in no mood for another lying, lowdown, cheating, no-good worthless fast-talking deceiving man.
Dr Heartache, why why why am I alone at my advanced age? I am 30 years old and have gone through so many relationships I am so discouraged and heartsick.
Every man I have been involved with did me wrong. He lied and cheated, looked at other women, thought nothing of having lunch with them at his work.
I am attractive, intelligent, educated and own dozens of pairs of shoes. I even have a subscription to Oprah magazine to keep up...I am well read. I do charity work (I deliver free dog-biscuits to the local pound) I also walk cats for a second job. I busy myself with worthwhile projects when I am not at work.
What is my problem? Why does every man that comes into my life eventually reject me?
How can it be that many women have happy relationships while I sit alone and cry myself to sleep every night?
Please give me some advice to help me that perhaps I can find lasting love.
Bereft in Birmingham...

Dear Bereft in Birmingham,
Well...it sounds like you are desperately trying to find love. But is love really lost? Do you need to find it? Get a grip! Stop going in and out of relationships. Stop! Quit engaging in promiscuous sex. I assume this is what you're doing. Have you no shame or concern for your life and health?
What about others? Can you pass on a disease to them or vice versa?
Is this love infecting someone with a disease? I think not.
You seriously need to find out what love is.
It is not what you apparently think it is.
Love does none of the things you said in your letter.
First love yourself by taking care of yourself and as I said quit using sex and relationships to find or experience love.
Love will never give you a sexual disease and this should tell you volumes about what you're doing.
Go to your local library and check out some books on love and how it behaves.
Don't get any nonsense books that say that love is whatever...........with whoever...........wherever and why ever...
Love will make you happy but first find out what it is.
THEN you will be able to recognize it when it comes your way.
One last thing..love does, it does not demand.
Want to be loved? Be lovable.
And oh yes... quit slapping others!

NIGERIAN SCAM

OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR. CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA Tinubu square, Lagos- Nigeria. Our ref: Ctn/Ohs/Oxd1/2009 Your ref: ............................... Telex: Centavo. Payment file: Cb n/Ben/09

PAYMENT NOTIFICATION OF YOUR FUNDS Attn: Beneficiary AKA Lucky Duck Hello my dear one...... We have mercifully decided to bring to your attention, the fact that we have done everything necessary to make sure payments from the debt remittance account are made to the Bonanza Beneficiaries.

I am informing you of an attempt by some unscrupulous people to collect your payment on your behalf. Those crooks!!! I despise them on your behalf! I loathe their greed on your behalf! I abhor their lack of conscience on your behalf!

I had to ask them why they came to see me in person and they said that they came to collect your inheritance/contract funds payment sum of $5M (Greenbacks) which rightfully belongs to you as shown in your file with us, on your behalf and by your authorization. However, I am writing you this email to find out from you if you actually sent them. One is short and pot-bellied and bald. The second is short and fat with a mop of rich red hair. The third one is tall and skinny and wears a blond toupee.


Note that they actually tendered some vital documents which proved that you actually sent them to collect these funds. Below is the list of documents which they presented. 1) Letter of administration 2) Order to release 3) High court injunction (4) 11X15 color photo of you.(You look marvelous!)

Due to the nature of my job, I cannot afford to make any mistake in releasing the funds to anyone except to you who is the recognized as true beneficiary to these funds. I want to hear from you before I order the release of the funds to these wayward people who claim to be your representatives because they will be back to my office next week. I decided to carry out this decision based on my work experience and this is a risk I cannot take because I have not heard anything from you.

Kindly direct your response to the private email address of my boss, the executive governor of the central bank of Nigeria CZZ, below for quicker deliberation and response from him on the release of your funds to you. Please remember to indicate the following list of items so he can reach you on in your response. FULL NAME. CURRENT ADDRESS LAST 25 ADDRESSES CURRENT PHONE NUMBER (landline) CURRENT CELL PHONE NUMBER LAST CELLPHONE NUMBER NEIGHBOR'S CELL PHONE NUMBER CAR PHONE NUMBER WORK PHONE BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER VISA ACCOUNT NUMBER ANY CREDIT CARD NUMBER YOU MAY HAVE 8X10 photo of yourself preferably in color. (YOUR FINGERPRINTS..if possible)

Your Faithful servant,
Oliver Twisted

Dear Oliver Twisted,
You have my express permission to immediately release the funds to them.
Yes I sent them!!!
Of course give them the Greenbacks without delay!
Have a great day in Nigeria!!!