Obama Gave me The Hives

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....

Today when Obama was sworn in as our (sigh) president, I ran to the bathroom feeling nauseous. I held onto the sink as I stared at myself in the mirror.
Even though I am totally and unbelievably gorgeous beyond description, I looked pale and stressed.
Yes Dr Heartache, I broke out in hives after Obama was sworn in.It was horrible beyond words..like a nightmare.
He said he swore to be president and this is when I gagged and almost fainted.
The hives are all over my body.
My hair is falling out.
My stunning beauty is fading fast. All because of having a liberal and Marxist president.
Obama's devotees who happen to be many of my friends; yes those who without thinking gulped down the kool-aid said I need to see a shrink.
They said it is not normal that I don't adore Obama as do all the Obama kool-aid gang.
Imagine that! I am the one who is wrong! I am the loser since I refused to drink the kool-aid.I think they have it backwards...hello?
Actually Dr heartache, personally I believe that everyone who voted for Obama needs to be locked up or at least treated with some type of anti-delusional medicine.
Obviously the Obama gang is hallucinating when they think he is going to bring change with his ever present jingle..."YES we can!"
I am quite bored with hearing it. Tired also of hearing OBAMA constantly.
I watch one channel, there is Obama smiling and waving.
I flip the channel only to find Obama smiling and waving on that channel.
I flip and flip and there he is smiling and waving.
Michelle also is smiling and waving.
It is maddening!
Then I hear chanting from all the kool-aid gulpers...OBAMA...OBAMA....OBAMA....OBAMA....it is a loud dull chant like they were programmed so I again flip the channel....and there is Oprah jumping up and down screaming OBAMA.....OBAMA.................. it is maddening!
Dr Heartache, please help me with this ongoing problem of seeing Obama's face everywhere I turn.
"Yes we can!" is not true!
No he can't! is what is happening.
I am now on strong antihistamines for the hives.
The doctor recommends a long vacation far away from Obama.
Advise me what to do. I am going stark raving mad!

Had it in New Jersey

Dear Had It In New Jersey,
As utterly disheartening as it is, Obama IS the kool-aid gang president.
Sigh.........................oh dear.......sigh....my fits of disappointment are almost unbearable.
But remember when you wrote to me when Bush was selected in 2000, then again in 2004?
Remember how you were so angry and depressed, you asked the doctor to sedate you for three days?
But when he saw how upset you were with Bush being president, he gave you a tiny portable IV and you were sedated for quite some time until you were able to bear seeing Bush's face?
Well now you must do it again...this is what you must do....immediately.
Take a four year vacation and go explore the 2 million square miles of jungle in the dark continent of Africa just to get your mind off you know who ( I hate to remind you)
Look for anacondas and monkeys and stuff.
If you see an anaconda leave it in Africa.
Don't bring it here...or any monkeys or wild boars, rhinos and lions or any form of wild life seen on television.
Live in a hut and learn Swahili.
See you in four to eight years...
Hope this helped.....

ARGHHHH!!!!!!! Obama IS president! WHY GOD WHY!

Dear Dr Heartache

I have some great news for you!
.....I MOVED To the South Seas...
Yes Tahiti!
God helped me!
My dear Dr Heartache, it is me....
the one who wrote asking for help to endure Obama's presidency.
I was sinking in despair with Obama as president.
When he was sworn in I screamed and fainted... I was so upset.
BUT...I NOW live in another part of the planet.
And....I have since colored my hair and became more gorgeous than before.
I cannot believe how beautiful I look now after I recovered from all my disappointment.
I am smiling again!
I bought a whole new wardrobe.
Beautiful sparkling new jewelry.
Twenty pairs of shoes.
Yesterday I went sailing with my new friend
Kainoa and laughed and laughed.
He has never even heard of Obama.
Talk about getting off to a great start!
Why?
Obama is not my president as long as I am here in Tahiti.
Yes!
I am far......far.....far....far.....far....away from the very sight of Obama.
Yes!
How am I able to endure Obama's election and inauguration and presidency?
I now live in wonderful Tahiti where the soft breezes blow while the hot sun beats down on every living thing.
Tomorrow I am off to Bora Bora with Kainoa for lunch.
We will explore the lagoon there.
Then it is off the the Marquesas (the mysterious isles) for adventure and more fun.
Kainoa is such a gentleman and cares nothing about politics.
Yes!... as soon as I arrived on a late flight I immediately forgot about Obama.
I met Kainoa the next day as I walked along the sand by the sea.
I will be gone for eight years if necessary.
Thank you Dr Heartache for your help in finding a means to cope with the distressing Obama presidency.
Recovered in Tahiti from severe Obamanitis.

Dear recovered in Tahiti,

You made my day!
Congratulations!
and have fun!
PS...I'm moving to the Antarctic.

Boo Hoo! Waaaahhhhh! Obama IS President!

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....

I know I don't look miserable.
I know I look great in this photo, but this pic was taken long before I even heard of Barack Obama America's nightmare.
That was back when I still smiled.
But I am so... so.... disappointed with Obama as president it saddens me deeply.
I am so unhappy and blue.
I am sore distressed. Dr Heartache, there are not enough adjectives in the world to describe the disheartening condition of my miserable life since Obama became (gasp!) president.
His "yes we can" is also extremely depressing. It is so cliche like `the little engine that could...`and he cannot help us.
Dr Heartache, Obama as president will prove to be one of the world's big mistakes. Of course the world's mistakes cannot be numbered I know, but Obama is simply not the cup of tea America needs.
Please help me with your wise and tried and proven right advice.
Shall I move to Chile? Alaska? another planet?
I am beside myself with disappointment with Obama as president.
Please advise me soon as I am near despair and almost bereft of life.

Horribly disappointed in Obama as president.

Dear Horribly Disappointed in Obama as president...

Try to be strong. I understand your feeling.
Remember behind every dark cloud is a ray of sunshine.
After winter comes spring
and the flowers will bloom again.
Look for the rainbow after this rainy day.
Find a new hobby...oh..... you know like.... go to
You Tube more often and watch encouraging videos
(I love Dave Hunt religious videos)
Take up painting and bird watching.
Collect coins and ants.
Climb the Alps.
Walk from Denver to Miami.
Do karaoke.
MOVE TO TAHITI!
Read the Bible MORE than you usually do.
Most of all PRAY that God will give you grace to endure Obama's presidency.
God allowed him in there so remember that God can take our mistakes and turn them into blessings.
Bring that blessing Lord!
Comrade Obama is only another so called "conqueror" passing by.
Take heart dear one and smile when your heart is breaking.
I will pray for you and please pray for me.
I don't approve of Obama either.

Another Crazy Email!

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....I received this absurd and strange email. What shall I do?

You're invited to:		I NEED YOUR URGENT REPLY.
By your host:		Mr Umar Dialo
Date:		Monday December 22, 2008
Time:		5:00 pm - 6:00 pm (GMT +00:00)
Street:		Dear friend, I know this message will come to you as a surprise. I am Mr. Umar Dialo, the director in charge of auditing section of (BOA) bank here in Burkina Faso . I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of USD $9.8 million dollars into your account. This money has been dormant for years in our bank without claim. I want the bank to release the money to you as the nearest person to our deceased customer, Mr. Emmanuel Etukudo. Upon your reply I will give you details on how the transaction will be executed. Love and kisses and.. Best regards.+226 0892987-9899-345-978 (number changed to protect the innocent)
Will you attend?

Annoyed in Santa Cruz, California


Dear Annoyed in Santa Cruz, California, Can you imagine the nerve of some people? Emailing complete strangers and asking them to partake in a money making scheme is nothing but one unscrupulous person trying to find another unscrupulous person just so he can steal your money. There are no millions of dollars lying in a bank somewhere just waiting for you to claim it. Delete these scams immediately and remember you cannot cheat an honest person.
Mr Umar Dialo needs shock treatments and heavy medication immediately. Can't you see he makes up a fictitious name and asks you believe it is a real name. It may be a real name, but we can be sure it isn't his real name.

Dear Dr Heartache I am Beyond Desperate! HELP ME!

Dear Dr Heartache.....
I Need Help....Immediately!
Enclosed are pictures of me and my latest torrid love interest Jose de la Jose Enrique de Sol.
We met at a thrift store where I was looking for antique treasures as I usually do on Saturdays.
I saw this man lying on the floor pale as a ghost; he seemed to be unconscious.
I hurried over as did other customers to help him.
When we managed to revive him, it turned out he passed out when he caught a glimpse of my beauty as I was browsing through the glassware looking for 17th century pieces.
He said in Spanish that my beauty overwhelmed him to the point where he lost consciousness. Naturally I can understand that.
It is true Dr Heartache that I am totally gorgeous beyond belief. I have flaming bright pink hair with a perfect figure.
Anyway I am so beautiful men have told me they are amazed at such perfection to be found in one woman.
The day Jose and I met I was dressed in an adorable skirt and top I found online at an exclusive designer shop.
But back to the issue at hand.....
Jose cannot speak a word of English...ho hum and yawn....just my luck!
but one of the girls who works in the store happened to be bi-lingual.
She dashed over to interpret his wild speech which proceeded out of his mouth a mile a minute...
as he lay there pointing at me..He said his corazon was pounding madly within him.
She went on interpreting and said he begged for me to marry him as soon as we could get the marriage license.
He claims his love is real and cannot be denied.
Needless to say Dr Heartache I was flabbergasted to receive another marriage proposal.
This is my fifth one just this month.
I must confess that Jose is so handsome and dashing he reminds me of a Mexican movie star riding on a prancing horse.
However he is not a legal citizen of this country. Do you think he may be asking for my hand in marriage simply so he can automatically become a citizen using my American status to gain this?
I admit he is tempting to look at, but marriage is a big step and I am not sure I want to marry anyone from another country.
Bewildered in San Diego....

Dear Confused in San Diego...
Let me be brutally honest with you.
Do you love him? If you do wait until you know him which would take a year or so.
If you don't love him forget it now.
Jose needs to either return to his native land
and NOT come back..
or become a citizen immediately.
The nerve of some people!

What Shall I Do Dr Heartache?

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help.... I know...I know...you are probably wore out from reading so many problems everyday. But this problem I'm facing now is beyond description. Yes dear Dr heartache, it is the same old story of love and loss. Of love and heartbreak. I can't understand how he could just go away. I loved Pips with all my strength and breath. I adored him. I fainted whenever he came into sight. Yes it was that great a love I had for him. How? How could he go away without regret? One day he asked me to marry him and the next day he leaves me. Yes he left me for another woman who happened to cut his hair that day. See Dr Heartache, Pips always gets his hair cut at at certain place at the mall and this one day there happened to be a new girl there trimming men's hair. He said it was beyond their control. Yes Dr Heartache just like that he told me that it was beyond their control. Needless to say I am beyond repair. My mind is gone. My heart is so broken it cannot ever ever be mended again. I cry myself to sleep every night. I wake up with swollen eyes and matted hair after it has been soaked in my oceans of tears.
I had to buy a plastic cover for my mattress from the gallons of tears.Yes and for my pillows also.
I have lost weight.(I didn't need to.) I have become a walking zombie. I am in a daze from pain and sorrow. What can I do to possibly get on with my life without him? Please help me Dr Heartache, please think of something to help me.
PS I know I look great but don't let that fool you. I am gone.

Lost and destroyed in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Dear Lost and Destroyed in Santa Fe, New Mexico,
Pips? Okay...we must go with that. (I hope that isn't his real name)
Ask yourself this.....`who does he think he is?` and then ask yourself this...`How dare he leave wonderful me for that barber girl!`
Next do something special just for you. You know like buy yourself a new car.
Then stand in front of the mirror in your bedroom and say as you look at your reflection.."Is he nuts?`with `Yes that must be it!` `It can't be me!`
The truth is that the problem is ceratinly not you. It is Pips.
Now face the fact that it was beyond their control because the both of them are a couple of wackos. They deserve each other and you are actually blessed to be rid of such a dufus.
God did you a favor. Pips is a piece of work.
I know I know you are hurting but remember to look at the bright side.
She has him and not you and who knows who he will leave her for...
perhaps the girl who takes his pizza order.
Please value yourself and quit wasting tears on this roving romeo and get on with your life.
BTW, if he tries to get you back, be wise and learn that if he did it once what is to prevent him from leaving you again?
Hope this helped...