Another Crazy Email!

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....I received this absurd and strange email. What shall I do?

You're invited to:		I NEED YOUR URGENT REPLY.
By your host:		Mr Umar Dialo
Date:		Monday December 22, 2008
Time:		5:00 pm - 6:00 pm (GMT +00:00)
Street:		Dear friend, I know this message will come to you as a surprise. I am Mr. Umar Dialo, the director in charge of auditing section of (BOA) bank here in Burkina Faso . I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of USD $9.8 million dollars into your account. This money has been dormant for years in our bank without claim. I want the bank to release the money to you as the nearest person to our deceased customer, Mr. Emmanuel Etukudo. Upon your reply I will give you details on how the transaction will be executed. Love and kisses and.. Best regards.+226 0892987-9899-345-978 (number changed to protect the innocent)
Will you attend?

Annoyed in Santa Cruz, California


Dear Annoyed in Santa Cruz, California, Can you imagine the nerve of some people? Emailing complete strangers and asking them to partake in a money making scheme is nothing but one unscrupulous person trying to find another unscrupulous person just so he can steal your money. There are no millions of dollars lying in a bank somewhere just waiting for you to claim it. Delete these scams immediately and remember you cannot cheat an honest person.
Mr Umar Dialo needs shock treatments and heavy medication immediately. Can't you see he makes up a fictitious name and asks you believe it is a real name. It may be a real name, but we can be sure it isn't his real name.

Dear Dr Heartache I am Beyond Desperate! HELP ME!

Dear Dr Heartache.....
I Need Help....Immediately!
Enclosed are pictures of me and my latest torrid love interest Jose de la Jose Enrique de Sol.
We met at a thrift store where I was looking for antique treasures as I usually do on Saturdays.
I saw this man lying on the floor pale as a ghost; he seemed to be unconscious.
I hurried over as did other customers to help him.
When we managed to revive him, it turned out he passed out when he caught a glimpse of my beauty as I was browsing through the glassware looking for 17th century pieces.
He said in Spanish that my beauty overwhelmed him to the point where he lost consciousness. Naturally I can understand that.
It is true Dr Heartache that I am totally gorgeous beyond belief. I have flaming bright pink hair with a perfect figure.
Anyway I am so beautiful men have told me they are amazed at such perfection to be found in one woman.
The day Jose and I met I was dressed in an adorable skirt and top I found online at an exclusive designer shop.
But back to the issue at hand.....
Jose cannot speak a word of English...ho hum and yawn....just my luck!
but one of the girls who works in the store happened to be bi-lingual.
She dashed over to interpret his wild speech which proceeded out of his mouth a mile a minute...
as he lay there pointing at me..He said his corazon was pounding madly within him.
She went on interpreting and said he begged for me to marry him as soon as we could get the marriage license.
He claims his love is real and cannot be denied.
Needless to say Dr Heartache I was flabbergasted to receive another marriage proposal.
This is my fifth one just this month.
I must confess that Jose is so handsome and dashing he reminds me of a Mexican movie star riding on a prancing horse.
However he is not a legal citizen of this country. Do you think he may be asking for my hand in marriage simply so he can automatically become a citizen using my American status to gain this?
I admit he is tempting to look at, but marriage is a big step and I am not sure I want to marry anyone from another country.
Bewildered in San Diego....

Dear Confused in San Diego...
Let me be brutally honest with you.
Do you love him? If you do wait until you know him which would take a year or so.
If you don't love him forget it now.
Jose needs to either return to his native land
and NOT come back..
or become a citizen immediately.
The nerve of some people!

What Shall I Do Dr Heartache?

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help.... I know...I know...you are probably wore out from reading so many problems everyday. But this problem I'm facing now is beyond description. Yes dear Dr heartache, it is the same old story of love and loss. Of love and heartbreak. I can't understand how he could just go away. I loved Pips with all my strength and breath. I adored him. I fainted whenever he came into sight. Yes it was that great a love I had for him. How? How could he go away without regret? One day he asked me to marry him and the next day he leaves me. Yes he left me for another woman who happened to cut his hair that day. See Dr Heartache, Pips always gets his hair cut at at certain place at the mall and this one day there happened to be a new girl there trimming men's hair. He said it was beyond their control. Yes Dr Heartache just like that he told me that it was beyond their control. Needless to say I am beyond repair. My mind is gone. My heart is so broken it cannot ever ever be mended again. I cry myself to sleep every night. I wake up with swollen eyes and matted hair after it has been soaked in my oceans of tears.
I had to buy a plastic cover for my mattress from the gallons of tears.Yes and for my pillows also.
I have lost weight.(I didn't need to.) I have become a walking zombie. I am in a daze from pain and sorrow. What can I do to possibly get on with my life without him? Please help me Dr Heartache, please think of something to help me.
PS I know I look great but don't let that fool you. I am gone.

Lost and destroyed in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Dear Lost and Destroyed in Santa Fe, New Mexico,
Pips? Okay...we must go with that. (I hope that isn't his real name)
Ask yourself this.....`who does he think he is?` and then ask yourself this...`How dare he leave wonderful me for that barber girl!`
Next do something special just for you. You know like buy yourself a new car.
Then stand in front of the mirror in your bedroom and say as you look at your reflection.."Is he nuts?`with `Yes that must be it!` `It can't be me!`
The truth is that the problem is ceratinly not you. It is Pips.
Now face the fact that it was beyond their control because the both of them are a couple of wackos. They deserve each other and you are actually blessed to be rid of such a dufus.
God did you a favor. Pips is a piece of work.
I know I know you are hurting but remember to look at the bright side.
She has him and not you and who knows who he will leave her for...
perhaps the girl who takes his pizza order.
Please value yourself and quit wasting tears on this roving romeo and get on with your life.
BTW, if he tries to get you back, be wise and learn that if he did it once what is to prevent him from leaving you again?
Hope this helped...

Obama is (weeping incontrollably) president

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help...

I have been gone for a long time....so down and in the dumpies.
I have been grievously disappointed in Obama's success to be president. (Sigh)
Frankly I knew he would win, but I was in....(sigh) denial.
After we listened to the news anchors (that miserable night November 4th) telling us how Obama was adored and worshiped in every land and that his win was certain, my friends and I took off on a long vacation.
We hugged each other and cried. We encouraged each other as much as we could.
Obama is (gasp!) the president!
Dr Heartache, is there any hope for America?
How could this have happened?
Has the world gone mad? Are there no psychiatrists available for those who voted for Obama? Drugs? You know tranquilizers? Or for those who didn't drink the kool-aid? Support groups? Classes?
A deserted island to move to?
Now that Rick Warren will speak at the inauguration and hopefully PRAY I do feel a little better.
As a deeply disappointed American citizen who voted for McCain what can I do to retain my sanity these next four years of looking at Obama's face? (Sigh) not to mention Michelle's.

Bitterly Disappointed in Georgia

Dear Bitterly Disappointed in Georgia...
Believe me I know the feeling. As soon as I knew it was over for McCain I screamed uncontrollably for a solid hour, I was so outraged!
Then I cried for four hours straight without stopping,
..... and went to bed for three days refusing to eat.
So.....If anyone wants to know where the outrage is, tell them it is here in me.
Anyway.....president elect Obama is doing what he is told, so sit tight.
God has it all under control.
Yes as hard as it is we must pray for him since we are to pray for those in authority.
Yes....authority.
Call this number for help in finding support groups to help you cope with an Obama White house. 1-800-089-3323-0934000 and ask for the disappointed one.
Hope this helped....

He Wants To Meet Me...

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....
Does love bring misery? I met him online.
Yes, Dr Heartache, we all know that this is happening everyday meeting someone online. I happened to be at the same message boards he was. We were discussing the role of pawn shop owners in our society and if they are a vanishing breed.. he seemed to be so informed about it....We always seemed to be on the same thread discussing relevant issues of the day such as what I mentioned and if the wolf will survive, etc..
I noticed he and I thought so much alike...we both hate Obama passionately so this got us off to a great start...
Anyway to make a long story short, he asked if we could meet in person. I agreed and I gave him my cell phone number. He called and we talked for over an hour. Finally we agreed to meet. His name is Simon.
Guess what happened next? I asked him if it was okay if we met in a public place. I mean I know we can't trust everyone. I was confused at his reply. He said he wanted to meet and I quote him..."Meet me at the edge of town in that old abandoned building on 3rd Street. Be there at midnight, take the bus, wear dark clothing, leave your cell phone at home, and come alone."
Should I be concerned? Or do you think he just might be shy? I'm at a loss what to do. Please give me some advice.
Wondering What To Do In Denver, Colorado

Dear Wondering What To Do In Denver, Colorado
My only advice is and I strongly urge you to take it is this;
Pick up your phone book, right now... look in the Yellow Pages under Psychiatry. Call the first doctor listed. Make an appointment and be sure and keep the appointment. Tell the doctor everything you told me and leave nothing out...remember exactly as you told me...tell the doctor..In closing, as a precaution, make sure the doctor has a butterfly net in case you don't agree with his assessment of your heartache over "Simon".
Hope this helped.

I Need Help Fast!

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Desperately Need Help....
We met at an online dating service called Passionate Love Junction. I looked through all the available men profiles and pics and there Jared was. Dark hair and a wonderful smile. I read his profile and almost died. How could any man be so absolutely wonderful? He is so accomplished, so handsome, so smart, so intelligent, so informed. He is so knowledgeable. I guess what I'm trying to say is he is what he should be; completely attractive..
He emailed me after I filled out all the forms..... and thus began our joy-filled journey to a deliriously happy relationship.
He told me he loved me on our 12th date. I was counting each time we dated so it was on our 12th date he declared his undying love. I keep journals of my life to record each moment. I can only say I am overjoyed at meeting someone so matched to me. Since I am totally gorgeous...It is a perfect match. He is a prince and I am beautiful, could there be any problem?
Unbelievable as it sounds there is a problem! He said that he recently, actually only a few months, ago ended a relationship he had with what he called "I thought she was my soul mate." He even had the nerve to say that he still loved her. Well, need I say more? How could he love me and still love her? Is this even possible to love two women at the same time? What if she decides she wants him back, will he leave me and go to her? I am hurt and confused. What shall I do?

Angry and Confused in Tuscon

Dear Angry and Confused in Tuscon,
Well....well well....he told you he loved you and yet said he still loves her?
Do you really want to be a part of his threesome? He obviously wants a threesome; for now.....and if not why didn't he tell you that he loved her when he first met you?
It is quite clear what he is doing. He wants her, yet he is with you and if she doesn't call him back, he will stay with you, so you are actually just a spare tire so to speak. What a jerk! Also any man who would advertise himself at a dating service to prey on some poor girl while all the time he is heartbroken over an old love is not what you want or need to take home to your heart.
He sounds like a liar and a real loser. Sure it is sad he lost his love, but that has nothing to do with you? Talk about a personal problem! He has one!
Look at what he is made of......lies. He deceived you for awhile just long enough to get you to fall in love with him. He told you about Juliette (He is Romeo) only to prepare you for the worst, which would be she calling him back (good for him and her) and he running to her leaving you (the spare tire) senseless with pain.
Run for your life!
I hope you love yourself enough to flee this crime scene.
He is the criminal here and needs to be accountable.
Bring him before your heart court of justice and sentence him to a life without you.
Not that he will care if he can get Juliette back, but in case he doesn't, he will have to serve the sentence you imposed on him. Add that to his personal misery and he will suffer anguish for being such a liar.
Would you want to be with a man who lives only for himself?
Hope this helped.....