Dear Dr Heartache.....

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....

Let me get a hold of myself so I can tell you my sad sad sad story of love and pain. It concerns my fiancee Kevin.

We met one night while we were both attending a movie.

We happened to go to the popcorn stand at the same time. It was love at first sight! When I first saw him, I immediately thought of Nicholas Cage with a little bit of David Caruso and a touch of Harrison Ford. Can you imagine how I must have looked?I didn't speak for at least a full minute, I was so taken by his charm.

We've been dating for six months now. I'm delirious with joy. He says he loves me madly and that he has waited all his life for me to come along.

Here is the problem......

He say his life will really be fulfilled when he has tattooed his entire body with pictures of the Dali Llama.

Should I be concerned?

Bewildered, mystified and in love in Georgia..

Dear Bewildered, mystified and in love in Georgia,

I recommend the writings of Plato, in particular the Symposium

Plato maintained that we can only love what is lovely.

Okay!

Could you love a man whose entire body is tattooed

with pictures of the Dali Llama?

For whatever reason?

I suppose he wants to have children?

Sounds like you have your work cut out for you.

The only advice I can give in this very unusual case is

bite your tongue and marry him......

or leave for greener pastures.

You don't have many options.

Not unless you can get him to agree to therapy.

Hope this helps...

Dear Dr Heartache.....the election?

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....

I know I'm supposed to vote, but this November I think I will stay home. If Obama is the nominee I will not vote for him. He is associated with shady characters. McCain is a flip-flop on Christianity. Clinton is the closest candidate to what I believe and yet she is also wrong on so many things according to my thinking.

Dr Heartache .....if you understand all the math, do you have any idea who will win the presidency? I'm kinda concerned.

Curious in Texas

Dear Curious in Texas,

I don't know of course, but one thing I do know, you have nothing to worry about. Remember when Reverend John Hagee made those statements that the Holocaust was God's will?

And they attacked him? Remember his friend the Rabbi?

You can apply what the Rabbi said to November elections.

David Brog, a Conservative Jew who is executive director of Mr. Hagee's nonprofit Christians United for Israel (CUFI), said critics misunderstood the biblical context.
"Leading rabbis have said the same thing," he said.

"This is a legitimate effort to grapple

with the age-old question of why God allows evil in the world.

Pastor Hagee was not, as some are claiming,

saying the Holocaust was good.

He has said repeatedly, throughout his life,

that the Holocaust was the greatest of tragedies.
"But there is a long-standing Jewish tradition

of searching for divine explanations for tragedy.

For people who are biblical literalists,

God is omnipotent; therefore, they maintain,

God must have allowed the Holocaust to happen.

What you hear here is an effort to search for an explanation."

So what happens in November will either be

the permissive will of God or his perfect will for America.

No matter who gets in there will be what God allows, since God is omnipotent.

Whoever is elected has to get God's permission.

Hope this helped.........

Dear Dr Heartache...the media?

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....

I'm having a hard time tolerating the American media. Hillary is winning if you watch FOX news, and John McCain is doing well according to this or that commentator. Obama is doing not too well and expected to lose....why not? and McCain is too old, yet he is not too old.

But Hillary is a loser, Obama a king, a closet Muslim..............and McCain too flip floppy if you watch MS NBC and if you watch CNN, it is like watching MS NBC, only worse.

It's annoying that they are so confused and pour that confusion onto the public.

And call it reporting the news.

No matter what the truth is (whoever might know that?) about who is winning this race, the individuals who comprise the media have their own opinions.

One commentator tells you his opinion, then another commentator tells you his views, another tells you his "unbiased" report of facts.

None of it agrees with polls, surveys, and interviews.

Something is wrong somewhere.

None of them agree! It is madly annoying!

What is going on to produce such mass confusion, madness, bickering, accusations, lies and judgments?

Angry and fed up in Florida!

Dear Angry and fed up in Florida!

Example; take a Baptist, a Methodist, a Presbyterian, a Jehovah's Witness,a Lutheran, mix all their beliefs together and you get a bunch of people in total disagreement with each other all claiming God is only with them in their doctrines and beliefs, and everyone else is wrong.

Place their names and addresses in the Yellow Pages and you have religion.

Take a man born in Texas raised as a "free thinker", take a college graduate from Idaho whose parents taught him he was the greatest, take a woman from Tennessee raised to question the existence of God, take a bigot, an atheist, a habitual liar, a follower of Oprah, a whatever.....................my point is when you make a media out of thousands of different men and women all throwing in their two cents, you will get confusion.

How can you not?

There are no absolutes in the media, anything goes, if it feels right for you, broadcast it to the world with a degree to back up your "expert opinion"

The media can't function perfectly, it is composed of many different minds, personalities, egos, likes, dislikes, characters, and thoughts, which none of them agree.

Some hate McCain and will dig up whatever they can on him, fudge here and there, make Hillary out to look like a crazy woman, and Obama as a freak.

It all depends on who you listen to.

It is like the judicial system, which often sends innocent people to prison, it is all about their own personal interpretation of the law and applying it based on one's own opinion instead of absolutes.

Everyone of them is wrong and only God is right!

Do your research with a careful eye with your ears open.

Don't believe everything you see on the news just because...

I hope this helped.

Dear Dr Heartache...............

Dear Dr Heartache.....

I Need Help....

I surfed to a online dating service called

Torrid Midnight Passion Online Dating

to meet someone.............

I filled out all the necessary forms, paid the outrageous fee and waited.

A week later, I received a message from a man calling himself Teddy Bear.

He said he is divorced. His profile says he is a pilot for Transworld airlines,

that he is unbelievably handsome. He said he has a PHd in physics, a PHd in art, and a Masters in Music. He said he gets mistaken for Nicholas Cage. He even said he sings like Barry Manilow.

We decided to meet in person. It turned out he is 100 pounds overweight, bald and addicted to Vodka. And his education is limited to what he learned from his fifth marriage.

To say he lied on the forms is putting it mildly.

Dr Heartache, I don't want to hurt his feelings but he simply

isn't my type.

My type is more the David Caruso look.

This guy looks like Michael Moore.

Of course, I like Michael Moore,but not to date.

In my dating book, I have men's names under

1. Divine date

2. Debating with myself to date

3. Desperate for a date

4. Dying for a date

................and Dr Heartache.......

I can't even file him under "dying for a date"

My friend (I'll call him Joe) is a dear sweet guy,

but what can I do to let him down gently?

I like him, but he lied about his appearance and about his job,

he is a city worker for Hawthorne, California.

Wondering what to do in Los Angeles, California.

Dear Wondering what to do,

Tell him that you cannot appreciate his

lying on a form which explicitly asked for the truth.

Tell him you will not tolerate drunkards in your life.

Tell him that he needs to call Jenny Craig today!

(Can men call Jenny Craig?)

Tell him that he needs to tell

Torrid Midnight Passion Online Dating

services that he lied.

If he refuses to do these things, you have no choice but to

spray him with your pepper spray.

That will make him leave you alone.

But, remember he might make a really nice companion...

but if the chemistry isn't there, it is over........

Hope this helped....

Dear Dr Heartache...

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help....

Where shall I begin? My life is shattered. My dreams are destroyed. My heart is broken in millions of weeping pieces. My emotions are in excruciating pain. My mind is reeling in confusion. My mind is torn with pain, despair and hopelessness.

I am so angry I could chew nails.

My life is over.

I was shopping at the mall last Saturday.

I ran into an old friend. ......I'll call her Tina.

It so happened that Tina saw my husband with his secretary walking out of a motel together a few months earlier. He had his arm around her. And she was smiling at him. I'll try to continue with my problem.......

I think you get the picture. Suddenly my heart is filled with murder. I would like to kill him. As in murder.

I would like to smash his head with a big rock.

I would like to lynch him. I would like to pull out his toenails one by one with a pair of rusty needle nose pliers while he screams in pain begging me to stop.

I would like to lock him in a room and force him to listen to rap music at full blast. I would like to torture him until he dies a slow agonizing death.

Of course, I won't do it.

God won't let me! I didn't even ask God, I know him, he won't let me kill Howard.

He absolutely will not let me do these things I so much want to do to Howard!

As for that little whore of a secretary..her name is Tammy, I won't even tell you what I think about her.

I am so so so mad, I am beside myself with rage, thoughts of torturing him and revenge.

How is this possible to feel such pain and anger?

Just tell me Dr Heartache, what can I do to overcome such pain?

So, since I can't kill him for fear that God will severely punish me,

what can I possibly do?

I know God won't change his mind, so please help me

find another way to get rid of this anger.

Even though I would like to get rid of that lying low down cheat.

Deranged with grief and anger in Kansas

Dear Deranged.....in Kansas,

Hmmm.....you poor thing....you are in deep trouble, but the good news is that

you refuse to kill him for God's own sake.

End of that story.

I take it he has been acting faithful since? He sounds like a real two-faced hypocrite. The nerve of some men!

I hate him too after reading your letter which was soaked with your tears.

I wish I could help you do all those things you thought of doing, but since God absolutely forbids vengeance, you (we) must forgive.

Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.

Forgiveness is not feelings, it is a decision you must make before God.

Remember that you can't depend on your feelings, even though feelings are real.

We serve God with our minds, so in order to control your feelings which that monster of a husband caused along with his miserable shameless girlfriend, you simply must decide to do what God requires of you and not what you would like to do.

Forgive him and follow what comes with the forgiveness.

Hope this helped you...

Dear Dr Heartache............

Dear Dr Heartache.....I Need Help!
Here's my happy, but sad story,
Dr Heartache,
I weep uncontrollably as I try to type....
of course, it is probably common, but anyway,...here goes
Dr Heartache.........I'm so upset...let me compose myself as best as I can to tell you my serious situation that needs your attention fast......
I fell madly, passionately, insanely, deeply and ridiculously in love with a man from another state. His name is Buzz. It was love at first sight.
I live in New York, he lives in California. We met at a fund raising event for Hillary Clinton. He moved here to please me. We prayed about this, we really did.
He is so dreamy, so handsome, so intelligent, so attractive. I think he fell from heaven right into my arms.
He makes my knees buckle when I see him. I begin to tremble just being near him. Anyway, you get the picture....
Here is the problem;
He asked me to marry him. I said yes a million times right before I fainted.
Anyway, he gave me a beautiful ring that used to belong to his mother.
Dr Heartache, I don't want a ring that belonged to anyone. I want my own new ring! I don't want to hurt his feelings, but what about mine? It is a beautiful ring, but that isn't the point. I want my own ring. What shall I do? Our wedding is scheduled for June 2009.

In love but disappointed and upset in New York.

Dear In love but disappointed in New York,

Well......simply tell Buzz.
(Buzz? His name is Buzz you say?? Whatever...)
Tell him exactly how you feel.
Throw a fit if you have to. By that I mean, be firm.
Men usually bend to please women.
Remember My Big Fat Greek Wedding where the guy
did all he could to please the girl?
Men are pretty flexible when it comes to weddings and marriages.
Now, if he says that this isn't what he wants no matter what, then you must leave him immediately.
But since you say your feelings for him are borderline romantically insane,
and life without him might prove detrimental for both of you,
then only three options exist for you.
1. Wear the ring he offers and never bring it up again.
(of course this would make you unhappy)
2. Threaten him to either give you your own choice of a ring
or you will buzz off for greener pastures.
(this might make him unhappy)
OR....hmmmm.........
So we have here two options for you.
Either be happy and unhappy with Buzz.........
or be unhappy and happy without Buzz.
Isn't it really about being with Buzz?
Who cares about the ring?
Be glad you found love in such a measure and wear the ring he offers.
Who knows that things will change
and he will buy you your own choice later.
Buzz needs to forget this mother sentimentality and
live in the real world.
His name is Buzz??
Okay...........whatever.....
Hope this helped...